Picture this. It’s the last night of Ramadan. You're sending out Eid greetings, planning the finishing touches to your Eid outfit, and deciding with friends and family when to meet for Eid prayer. It’s all a delightful distraction, because deep down you feel you have not fully tapped into this Ramadan. You are grateful that you have witnessed another Ramadan to its end, but you wonder how you have grown spiritually and personally during this blessed month. Another Ramdan came and went, and you still feel as though you did not make the most of it. You’re not sure what the ‘most of it’ means, but you wish you wouldn't have been wrapping up the month feeling this disappointed, or numb, at the passing of another priceless gift. It's worth noting that a sense of spiritual high is not a measure of success. We never really know if our Ramadan was truly accepted. Sometimes success may occur without us knowing it. With that, it is worth noting that regret can be a helpful teacher, and this article explores how we can tap into it, especially preemptively.
Pre-mortem planning
If this has been a familiar experience for you, and you’ve yet to reach the end of Ramadan, then this is a prime time to start your Ramadan pre-mortem. A post-mortem is a post-incident analysis to critically review what went well, and what went wrong. A pre-mortem, on the other hand, is a preemptive assessment on what could likely go wrong. With such anticipation, you could build a plan that addresses your apprehensions, as opposed to employing ephemeral wishful thinking for yet another year, and bank on sheer willpower to claw through. I came across the concept of pre-mortem planning recently in Daniel Pink’s new year’s planning video, you can check it out here 1.
Let’s rewind back to the disheartening intro; you’re disappointed. If you’ve experienced this before, tap into this treasure trove of learning. Try to remember, why were you disappointed? What did you want to achieve? Were those realistic, well-defined goals? If so, why did you struggle to achieve them? If not, how could they have been more concrete, more achievable? Also, why did you want to achieve them in the first place? Curiosity can be a form of self compassion. Treat yourself to viewing your past pains as a well for inquisitiveness, as opposed to a pit of criticism.
Prepare with curiosity
Perhaps you’re unsure of what it is you would like to achieve in Ramadan. It feels like such a special month, but you’re unsure how to peel yourself away from your norms beyond the basic fast, and feel a bit uneventful at the end of the month. Maybe you can explore what goals to set while being both ambitious yet reasonable. Perhaps you aim high because it seems to be the right thing to do and everyone else is doing it, however, it is completely out of your norm. A common example is completing the recitation of the Quran once or multiple times. How are you preparing for that outside of Ramadan? Break it down. How much time would it likely take you to achieve your reading goals, and when can you schedule that in, or what habit can you pair it with? Maybe you want to reach a level of focus in salah but you still keep struggling with your presence. Did you pause to consider why that occurs? Consider listening to the Tazkiya Pearls series 2 for more thought-provoking conversations on internal inquisitiveness. Take the time to consider what would a more grateful version of you look like at the end of Ramadan, what would that person have achieved, or internally reached? Achievements do not have to be loud; they could be internal shifts. It is also a worthy reminder to focus on yourself, not on other people’s goals, unless that helps to motivate you to aim higher. Where do you wish to be at the end of the month, or even at the end of Ramadan a few years from now? How can you pave the road to become that person? How can you prepare for a slump in motivation, or if a streak of days did not go as planned? A Ramadan with incremental, imperfect progress towards who you wish to become is more rewarding than one resigned to hopelessness. Also, brownie points if you journal reflections on your progress; it is a treat of positive reinforcement for your future self in years to come!
Preparing for your goals
In anticipating the hurdles, you can shift your plans. If you’re setting goals, or intentions, for this month, try to map it to time. If you want to read more Quran, and what a beautiful intention that is for the month of the Quran, carve out time in your schedule to do so. Ideally have a back-up plan for if, or frankly when, the plan doesn’t go as you hoped. If you want to make more heart-felt duaa, perhaps give yourself the gift of a sit down before the month if possible and think it through. If you want to ‘learn more’, set a specific goal on what that would look like on the scale of a month, but also on a daily basis. To be able to achieve all the things you want to get to, you’ll need to rest, and nourish your body. That too warrants planning. If you want to get into the habit of reflection, consider pairing that with an existing habit and start test driving that habit as soon as you get the chance. Try your best to arrive as ready as you could, and if you have not arrived as prepared as you’d like, prepare now for a slightly better tomorrow. Remember to be kind with yourself as you run into unanticipated challenges, or ones you could have planned better. Use it for more learning and less lamenting. Even our mistakes, misplans, and sense of loss are all cues to return to Allah.
Conclusion
Ramadan is a rich month. Rich with opportunity, and also rife with distractions. It is easy to be overwhelmed and sidetracked with all the goals and galas, but it is, as is the entirety of our life, fleeting. May this be a month where you carve out time for yourself to connect with Allah, where you pause a little longer in prayer, and where you make that extra duaa. May it be a month where you give generously, whether it’s in duaas, donations or days’ work. May it be a month where you remember to renew your intentions, and sincerely dedicate all you do, from work to chores, from rest to giving, from fasting to prayers, to Allah SWT. May it be a month where you find a quiet yet sustained transformation that stems from within you, and is nourished everyday past this blessed month. May you witness this coming month of Quran with all those you love, in good health and good Imaan, and may you seize the barakah of this blessed month. Ameen.
1 Daniel Pink's video on pre-mortem planning https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q10H5RA3eCA
2 Tazkiya Series https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEZE4o5h8oc&list=PLED_WYSaZu49zWGoyKN-dSNqDzGdIuUQR